Fart filtering 👖 jeans

Ok so I was watching hip hop squares and they featured a product called schreddies that help minimize farts, I have never been so excited in my life.

Let’s just say it out loud I am the queen of farts. Let’s talk about it. I had an intestinal blockage at age 19, prior to babies and a husband. I had a grapefruit size growth that was removed, the doctor and nurses ask me 8000 times have you passed gas?

They told me how important it was to fart. Better out than in was our Motto. So for the last 40 years I have lived the truth that farting is healthy and required. Thankfully the man I love has a horrible sense of smell😂

Goodbye little ugly kitchen

What do you do when your spouse is out of town for work? Remodel.

  • I have stated before how much I loathe the kitchen in our house.
  • I am way to short to reach ANY of the cabinets and the pink tile floor in conjunction with the brown and white mosaic floor is not beautiful.
  • My fashionista is screaming rip it out.

On Monday they are coming out, YES.

I have picked floors, cabinets, and sinks so let the demo begin. Photos are of the current kitchen, Don’t be jealous, I know it’s fancy

Water

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The past week I decided that I was not drinking nearly enough water. I figured that your water intake should be comparable to your wine intake, ha so I picked up this super cute new water bottle that is 24 ounces and determined it was good to drink 5 of these per day.

I have done a good job of taking the bottle everywhere I go but man the first week I spent more time in the restroom than I did at my desk. Maybe that was just my perception but good lord how many times can one person pee in a day, A LOT I tell you.

The health benefits of drinking water are also a motivator:

  1. Clears toxins- good bye wine
  2. Skin care- maintains turgidity
  3. Relieves constipation- not my issue
  4. Reduces hangover symptoms- again good bye wine
  5. Weight loss- um no I’ve gained 3 lbs, really???
  6. Improves brain function- my old brain needs this
  7. Regulates body temperature- I am the coldest woman in America so let’s hope this is true

I am back in the gym too, this should help eliminate the 3 lbs. of water hopefully but right now I feel like the attached photo. I am hoping that Jesus will come turn my water to wine soon.

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Raccoon Run

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My husband and I walk every morning at 4 am. Our neighbor man leaves food out for one eye Bob (a old raccoon) and the stray cats in the neighborhood so we have seen Bob multiple times and he is completely preoccupied with eating.

When I see a raccoon I think of this cute little furry animal.

My husband thinks rabid animal.

mean

This morning as we are headed out the the street from our house we hear a noise and coming into our driveway is a raccoon, Oh my god I have never seen my husband move so fast he took off and was through the gate before I could move. He left me as raccoon bait, ha. I watched the little guy, he heads to the backyard and is gone. No injuries.

running

I at this point tell my husband that the threat is gone and he comes out of the gate and we head down the street. He spots 2 more raccoons and says oh hell no there’s a whole family we are not walking today and forces me go back in the house to get our exercise via you tube. I at this point am laughing so hard I can hardly speak and he keeps saying to me repeat after me, run means runs.

The adventures never end…..

Mini banana cheesecakes

My youngest and his friend are visiting this weekend and his favorite thing in the world is banana cream pie. I decided to switch it up and make mini banana cheesecake and omg are they great. Plastic plate I know is super fancy, ha but these will be gone tonight. Glad I love to bake. Let me know if you want recipe.

Clean freak

I am that person who loves to vacuum ( I know it’s a sickness). I also cannot stand a cluttered garage, my car must be inside.

The second bay of the garage is too small for my husbands truck and is the temporary spot for a fridge and freezer until the kitchen remodel is done.

Well for some reason the extra space became the dumping spot for everything, ugh no I get anxiety just opening the garage. Today was garage cleaning day. Who spends their day off cleaning, this girl yep.

  • Started at 9 am
  • Finished at 2 pm

I can sleep well tonight

The Yard Work Battle

First let me state how grateful I am to be a home owner.

  • I love the fact that I have a large space to keep me busy and that I can close the door and have no one bother me
  • no upstairs or downstairs neighbors
  • no home owners association (the very best thing) 
  • no one complaining if my music is up to loud (I’m old so this doesn’t happen often) ha 
  • ample parking 

The yard work however is never ending. Yesterday after putting in a full day at the office, I came home to a truckload bark in bags. They are of course on sale this week so my husband thought it was a great idea to pick up as many as his truck would hold.

I am now the official “bark spreader”, (yep my title). 

Those bags aren’t going to unload themselves and need to be carried to the back of the house for distribution in the new flower beds.

  • 18 bags later and today my elbows are sore
  • I have never heard of sore elbows, is that real? 

The photos show my progress.  

The plant I hate I love

When we purchased our new/old house there was this large random plant that was tall, spikey and in a super dumb place.

  • I assume the people who we bought the house from got this thing when it was small and thought “oh how cute” we will plant this in the driveway as decoration.
    • Not knowing that the thing would triple in size and be a complete pain in my ass.
  • I could not even walk toward this plant without it cutting me.
  • I decided that I would dig that sucker out since I hated it so much.
    • Yeah right, I dug on this plant for weeks (broke a shovel) and could not get the root to budge
    • I kicked it
    • sprayed it with poison, and nothing

 This plant refused to die.

Well this week I am proud to report I won the battle. We had a tree trimmer come out to take out a dead tree and I ask him if he would take a chain saw to it. He said no but I will dig it out. 30 minutes later (and a whole lotta cussing) he had the root out.

What the heck kind of plant has a root like this you ask, it’s a Yucca plant. What?

  • You mean the plant I hated is the same plant that is used to make yucca fries, which are delicious and that I love.
  • The root as you can see is massive
  • Now I’m really mad because I can’t even eat that stupid thing for dinner because I previously sprayed it with poison

Who really won, I’m thinking it’s not me, ha

Yucca_flaccida

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I took a dip

My husband and I go and get pedicures once per month. It is good for circulation and it just makes your toes pretty. On Today’s visit the lady ask me about having my natural nails, (which were a mess) dipped. I had never heard of this and felt kinda dumb since I at one time in my life worked in a salon and like to think I keep up on the newest trends, wrong.

Dipping can be done on natural nails or artificial and involved prepping the nail with a special coating and dipping the finger into a powder, this is done 3 times then filed and top coated. They say it lasts 3 weeks with no touch ups and doesn’t destroy the nail.

I will let you know if this is true or a big fat lie but I am looking forward to some color that stays on longer than 2 days. Ok I know my fingers look wide and wrinkled, really it’s ok I think they are cute for now

Here they are at 2 weeks, powder has not budged but nails have grown alot

The process of soaking the product off is not great, cotton balls soaked in acetone and covered in foil. My husband wrapped my right hand so you need help with this. The powder gets gummy, let it soak like 15 minutes so you are not scraping and damaging your nail bed.

I decided to go online, (yes cause I’m cheap) and buy my own dip powder kit.

I am a licensed cosmetologist and I know how I like my nails filed. Anyone can do this just don’t rush the process. Here are my finished nails done by me. I like them much better because they are not so thick.

The simple things

I’m feeling a little under the weather because of cough due to cold as Forrest would say. So when I’m sick I always seem to recognize how little things make my life so great:

  1. The first cup of ☕️ in the morning
  2. A hot bath
  3. Vick’s vapor rub
  4. Clean sheets
  5. The steam sauna
  6. Soft jammies
  7. Cheesecake
  8. Chicken 🐔 noodle soup