Fart filtering 👖 jeans

Ok so I was watching hip hop squares and they featured a product called schreddies that help minimize farts, I have never been so excited in my life.

Let’s just say it out loud I am the queen of farts. Let’s talk about it. I had an intestinal blockage at age 19, prior to babies and a husband. I had a grapefruit size growth that was removed, the doctor and nurses ask me 8000 times have you passed gas?

They told me how important it was to fart. Better out than in was our Motto. So for the last 40 years I have lived the truth that farting is healthy and required. Thankfully the man I love has a horrible sense of smell😂

Raccoon Run

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My husband and I walk every morning at 4 am. Our neighbor man leaves food out for one eye Bob (a old raccoon) and the stray cats in the neighborhood so we have seen Bob multiple times and he is completely preoccupied with eating.

When I see a raccoon I think of this cute little furry animal.

My husband thinks rabid animal.

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This morning as we are headed out the the street from our house we hear a noise and coming into our driveway is a raccoon, Oh my god I have never seen my husband move so fast he took off and was through the gate before I could move. He left me as raccoon bait, ha. I watched the little guy, he heads to the backyard and is gone. No injuries.

running

I at this point tell my husband that the threat is gone and he comes out of the gate and we head down the street. He spots 2 more raccoons and says oh hell no there’s a whole family we are not walking today and forces me go back in the house to get our exercise via you tube. I at this point am laughing so hard I can hardly speak and he keeps saying to me repeat after me, run means runs.

The adventures never end…..

Funny conversations

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Photo by Mikes Photos on Pexels.com

My husband and I amuse each other frequently. Tonight after dinner we decided we needed some ice cream. I was nominated to drive because I had not had a beverage yet. I get in his huge pickup and of course have to adjust the seat forward just so I can reach the gas peddle and the steering wheel down.

We successfully get our ice cream sandwiches and he advises that when we get home I need to adjust the seat back because last time he got in after I drove he almost got a punctured Larnyx. Ha now really how is moving the seat going to keep you from getting poked in the throat area? I could do nothing but laugh.

Lots of hair

My oldest son has let his hair grow for the past 4 years and when it is combed and conditioned it is fabulous loose Shirley Temple curls. Now when he gets it braided and wears a scull cap for months and doesn’t comb it that’s a whole other situation🙈. He resigned himself to cutting it off and last night it happened, I first had to cut off all the braids one by one to even get to what was a huge dread underneath. He just kept complaining about It hurting, ugh yeah. So here is the small animal I cut off his head. I think he is 10lbs lighter at this point and it sure has to feel better.

my funny life

Saturday by default is normally the day I steam my floors, I pour myself an adult beverage to make it fun. Today my drink of choice was an old school grasshopper and as I finished the kitchen and got the throw rugs back in place the cord caught my beverage and dumped it directly into my husbands backpack on the chair. I rushed it to the sink and as you can guess it dripped all over the just finished clean floor. All I could do was laugh and get the laptop out so it didn’t get wet. I have to admit the thought of my husband going to work everyday with his backpack smelling like creme de menthe was amusing, ha. So today I steamed the floor twice and have a funny story for you all.

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So so funny

  as you all know we moved from Idaho where starting in June the temp hits 100 everyday (which I luv) and this temp stays until at least the end of August, so now that we live in Portland Oregon I have laughed the entire week because Saturday it is supposed to hit 100 and they have heat warnings and it is the top story, really.. Drink some water, put on some shorts, wet yourself with the hose and enjoy the sun, it doesn’t show up often so take advantage of it. 

Because we love the heat (well I luv it, my husband, not so much) our Saturday project is to lay a new 10×10 paver patio. We have this useless area that gets no sun and is a mud pit off our patio that needs to be made useable so let the grass digging, rock dumping, sand leveling, paver laying begin…… I already capped 6 sprinkler heads in this tiny space, yes I dug the heads up and capped them, there’s nothing like doing it yourself and saving TONS of money, no sprinkler guy required, this girl has got this. 

Thank god for the help of my strong, young 21 year old son, he did most of the heavy lifting but here’s the finished product. Grateful as always and now it’s time for a beverage. 

  

Random thoughts to start the new year

1. No one looks good in pants with the crotch that hangs to their knees, they might be popular but not cute, really
2. Whoever the judges are that pick the winners of the golden globes should be fired, boyhood was the slowest most boring film I have ever seen
3. If you are standing on a corner begging for money you probably shouldn’t be able to afford cigarettes at 6 bucks a pack, I’m just saying
4. If you can’t see over the steering wheel of the car you probably should not be driving, or atleast get a phone book to sit on for gods sake, ha
5. How if it rains everyday can someone say oh you haven’t seen rain yet
6. If you have never tried a Harvey Wallbanger you should it will change your life, the old folks got this one right
7. I would like to know who came up with the abbreviation POTUS which refers to the president of the United States. This sounds like an animal name not one for the leader of a country. All it takes is a space to completely change the meaning POT US, those secret service guys are tricky don’t you think.
8. If you can’t put away your basket at the store you should not be allowed to shop. I don’t care if it’s cold, raining, your toe is sore, pants are tight, whatever stop being lazy and walk 10 feet.
9. Portland airport is replacing the carpet and this is big news why? People are taking selfies with some nasty green carpet, yuck if you know what has been on that carpet you would not want to walk on it more a less put it close to your face.
10. Every person should have a pedicure once a month, men, women, kids, it is great for your circulation, helps prevent ingrown toes nails and as a bonus you get soft beautiful feet.

Truly amazing stupidity and random thoughts

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On a daily basis I am amazed by the stupidity of some individuals. This week the idiot of the week award would have to go to those who thought they could steal these bright orange Tillamook VW buses and not get caught. Now what in the world would make you say to yourself, hey let’s go steal the brightest color vehicles we can find. Are you the dumbest people on the planet? Let me answer, YES
10 Random thoughts for the week:
1. Why is there always one car on the freeway going slow screwing up the rest of the flow of traffic?
2. Why does the slow car always drive in the fast lane?
3. Why do people always blame a president for the countries problems when the elected officials from each state are the one’s making the decisions?
4. Why isn’t the government forced to adhere to a written budget?
5. Why as we age do we turn into our mothers?
6. Why when construction is being done do they do 15 projects at the same time and not one street is left drivable?
7. Why do some people feel it is ok to wear sweats to work?
8. Why doesn’t everyone get a pedicure before wearing sandals? ugh
9. Why as we age does the hair on your chin increase?
10. Why are you exhausted after coming back from vacation?