Tag: funny

Misc Rambling

2020 thoughts

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

Let’s just be serious, 2020 has been a shit show. It has brought to light a lot of interesting things. 

  1. I tell my dog at least 150 times a day how much I love her
    1. This got me to thinking, I don’t even tell my husband I love him this much
    2. I think this is because he would not appreciate me saying; “I love you fat piggy” and rubbing his belly
  2. Since working from home for 7 months, most days I look like a 10-year-old boy
    1. My hair is super short and a baseball cap is my daily attire
    2. I do not put on any makeup
    3. Friday’s have become my day to get up and get dressed in something other than jammies or workout gear, I put on makeup and even lashes just so my husband knows he lives with a Woman
  3. The last 4 years in the United States have been ridiculous at best
    1. This is not based upon the political climate so don’t come at me sideways
    2. People have been given the go ahead to be openly racist
      1. I have never in my life seen such back-wood ignorance openly on public display
      2. I guess the positive of this is we now know for sure who is racist 
      3. The orange man who lives in Washington DC has encouraged this behavior (fact)
      4. I now more than ever am inspired to be part of the change 
        1. Equality, accountability, access to serves, equal pay, criminal justice reform, care, dignity, compassion and in general humanity for others 
    3. Innocent people or color are being killed with zero accountability
      1. I never thought in my lifetime I would see what my parents told me was allowed to occur in the 60’s but here it is in full color
      2. murder is murder no matter who committed the crime, police qualified immunity must be removed, prosecute  
    4. Covid (and the response to it), needless deaths 
      1. Had this been taken seriously by the leadership of this country this would have been under control by now
    5. The lack of empathy and care for others
      1. I have become much more patient and understand that none of us know another person’s journey so don’t judge what you aren’t living
    6. The deterioration of a moral compass
      1. My mom from a young age taught me to be honest and treat others as I would want to be treated, easy
  4. Smoking weed has increased by 9000 % I’m sure
    1. In the state I live in THC is legal and the dispensaries are packed
    2. If you have to stay home, I guess why not be high?
      1. I do not smoke weed but more power to my stoner friends and family
      2. There are certainly proven medicinal benefits to THC
        1. So spark up that blunt and have a great time but know that you reek

My issue is the smell, my sniffer is super sensitive and I can smell weed at 500 paces (can you say skunk)

  • Let’s be clear, This smell is not a pheromone 
  • I prefer to smell like Flower Bomb and YSL 
  1. Thank God we are not alive during Prohibition
    1. My budget for gas in the car has all but been eliminated 
    2. The budget for alcohol has increased by 100%

I took the batteries out of the clock because at this point is always 5 o’clock

Holy Menopause Weight Gain

  • My hormones have no idea what is going on
  • My waistline is not cute at this point
  • When you can’t button your pants, this is a problem
  • Hello work out pants
  • I joined weight watchers and am down 9.6 lbs as of today
  • Ugh side note alcohol is not helping with this situation

I took some before pictures, oh hell NO 

 

Advertisement
Misc Rambling

Face improvements

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

You all know I have no problem talking about my beauty improvements. This month I took the plunge and during my botox appointment also had my girl do some lip filler.

My husband was like no I love your lips, ugh ok but you don’t have to draw them on everyday to make them look full.

We did some Juviderm and this involves getting numbed up and using a very small needle to put product into the thin areas. Holy hairdo, the actual lip area was easy but when she did the lip outline my eyes watered and man do you feel it. I’m ok with this but you wimpy girls think twice sister.

Today I am swollen and look like big birds sister but by Monday the swelling will have gone way down and will be great. Yes you swell and ice is your friend. My husband and I have jokes galore and have fun making up stories as to why my lips are HUGE.

Misc Rambling

Oh the adventures we will have

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

I have learned so much about an rv in the last month, I thought I would share the adventure Hooking up the truck to the camper is the hardest thing, first you have to back right up to the hitch connector and wait for the clamp to engage. Once this is done we have to pull it out of our steep ass driveway, hitch grinding the entire time into the street so we can get level enough to put on the stabilizer bars. These damn things scare the crap out of me so I simply stand back and watch. You have to put the trailer tongue down to take the weight off the truck then put on these steel bars in with a pry bar that makes a loud noise when on, good lord. Oh then there is two chain connectors that attach to the truck and the power supply for the lights to work. I’m tired just talking about it even though after the 3rd time we did the whole process in under 10 minutes.

On our first trip we learned that you need atleast a 4000 watt generator after we lost all power, oh n check your battery connectors to make sure they are all hooked up, another lesson as ours weren’t. Locate the gfi before you leave just in case it gets tripped you know where to find it, its in our bathroom, who knew.

The great part is we get to sleep in our own bed, no one bothers us, and we get to go to great places. The pictures below were taken at Mt Hood.

Family/Fun/Fashion · Misc Rambling

I’m a Official Smarty

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

Screen Shot 2018-12-22 at 6.48.39 PM

I work approximately 12 minutes from my house and go down one road, no freeway commute for me. I decided for Christmas I would get myself a cheap (you know I’m cheap right) commuter car and here it is a used 2011 Smart Car. It has this funky little manual/automatic transmission that would probably make most people crazy because it hesitates when shifting and if you want a zippy car this is NOT it but for me it is perfect. I can literally park anywhere and if it takes a while to get up to speed ok. I am certainly in no hurry at 5:30 am on my way in.

And the funnest thing is this little thing is convertible so in the summer it is going to be Great. Apple car play and cruise control, who would  have thought. I sent a picture to my older brothers and they asked why I didn’t buy a bike with a motor, ha they are hilarious.

Anyway Super cute and fun and I will get it wrapped eventually with some crazy graphic.

Misc Rambling

Fart filtering 👖 jeans

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

Ok so I was watching hip hop squares and they featured a product called schreddies that help minimize farts, I have never been so excited in my life.

Let’s just say it out loud I am the queen of farts. Let’s talk about it. I had an intestinal blockage at age 19, prior to babies and a husband. I had a grapefruit size growth that was removed, the doctor and nurses ask me 8000 times have you passed gas?

They told me how important it was to fart. Better out than in was our Motto. So for the last 40 years I have lived the truth that farting is healthy and required. Thankfully the man I love has a horrible sense of smell😂

Misc Rambling

Raccoon Run

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

cute

My husband and I walk every morning at 4 am. Our neighbor man leaves food out for one eye Bob (a old raccoon) and the stray cats in the neighborhood so we have seen Bob multiple times and he is completely preoccupied with eating.

When I see a raccoon I think of this cute little furry animal.

My husband thinks rabid animal.

mean

This morning as we are headed out the the street from our house we hear a noise and coming into our driveway is a raccoon, Oh my god I have never seen my husband move so fast he took off and was through the gate before I could move. He left me as raccoon bait, ha. I watched the little guy, he heads to the backyard and is gone. No injuries.

running

I at this point tell my husband that the threat is gone and he comes out of the gate and we head down the street. He spots 2 more raccoons and says oh hell no there’s a whole family we are not walking today and forces me go back in the house to get our exercise via you tube. I at this point am laughing so hard I can hardly speak and he keeps saying to me repeat after me, run means runs.

The adventures never end…..

Misc Rambling

Funny conversations

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

auto automobile automotive black and white
Photo by Mikes Photos on Pexels.com

My husband and I amuse each other frequently. Tonight after dinner we decided we needed some ice cream. I was nominated to drive because I had not had a beverage yet. I get in his huge pickup and of course have to adjust the seat forward just so I can reach the gas peddle and the steering wheel down.

We successfully get our ice cream sandwiches and he advises that when we get home I need to adjust the seat back because last time he got in after I drove he almost got a punctured Larnyx. Ha now really how is moving the seat going to keep you from getting poked in the throat area? I could do nothing but laugh.

Lots of hair
Family/Fun/Fashion

Lots of hair

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

My oldest son has let his hair grow for the past 4 years and when it is combed and conditioned it is fabulous loose Shirley Temple curls. Now when he gets it braided and wears a scull cap for months and doesn’t comb it that’s a whole other situation🙈. He resigned himself to cutting it off and last night it happened, I first had to cut off all the braids one by one to even get to what was a huge dread underneath. He just kept complaining about It hurting, ugh yeah. So here is the small animal I cut off his head. I think he is 10lbs lighter at this point and it sure has to feel better.

Family/Fun/Fashion

my funny life

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

Saturday by default is normally the day I steam my floors, I pour myself an adult beverage to make it fun. Today my drink of choice was an old school grasshopper and as I finished the kitchen and got the throw rugs back in place the cord caught my beverage and dumped it directly into my husbands backpack on the chair. I rushed it to the sink and as you can guess it dripped all over the just finished clean floor. All I could do was laugh and get the laptop out so it didn’t get wet. I have to admit the thought of my husband going to work everyday with his backpack smelling like creme de menthe was amusing, ha. So today I steamed the floor twice and have a funny story for you all.

images

Family/Fun/Fashion

So so funny

ssgreenbeanLeave a comment

  as you all know we moved from Idaho where starting in June the temp hits 100 everyday (which I luv) and this temp stays until at least the end of August, so now that we live in Portland Oregon I have laughed the entire week because Saturday it is supposed to hit 100 and they have heat warnings and it is the top story, really.. Drink some water, put on some shorts, wet yourself with the hose and enjoy the sun, it doesn’t show up often so take advantage of it. 

Because we love the heat (well I luv it, my husband, not so much) our Saturday project is to lay a new 10×10 paver patio. We have this useless area that gets no sun and is a mud pit off our patio that needs to be made useable so let the grass digging, rock dumping, sand leveling, paver laying begin…… I already capped 6 sprinkler heads in this tiny space, yes I dug the heads up and capped them, there’s nothing like doing it yourself and saving TONS of money, no sprinkler guy required, this girl has got this. 

Thank god for the help of my strong, young 21 year old son, he did most of the heavy lifting but here’s the finished product. Grateful as always and now it’s time for a beverage.